As women, we’ve often been conditioned to compare ourselves with other women and to judge ourselves negatively based upon what we perceive. We look at the women around us or at those in the media and we decide that we’re not as good as they are. Whether it’s our weight, our clothes, our age, our lifestyle or our achievements which we’re comparing with others, it makes us feel inadequate and undermines our confidence.
When we compare ourselves with others, we’re basing our self-esteem on a foundation of shifting sand, because it’s based on something outside ourselves, rather than on our own selves. It means that our attention is in the wrong place because we’re meant to be focusing on our own lives and our unique individual gifts – and not on those of other people.
It is very freeing to call your attention back to your own life and attributes so that you can give yourself and the attention you need. It’s far better to be the best ‘you’ you can be than to try and be a poor copy of someone else.
To support you as you focus on fulfilling your own potential, why not try a formula from my Signature Range: ‘Realising my true self and life purpose’, ‘ Embodying self-belief, esteem and confidence’ or ‘Look, feel and be beautiful – My authentic personal style’ will all support you to make the most of yourself.
Order from The Remedy Shoppe – http://theremedyshoppe.co.za/
‘And I said to the almond tree
Speak to me of God
And the almond tree blossomed’
This beautiful Japanese haiku sums it up perfectly: The best way to honour the Creator who made you is to blossom as you’re designed to blossom and to give your perfect ‘fruit’ or gifts to the world in your own unique way. Why compare yourself to an almond tree if you’re designed to blossom as a peach tree or a lemon tree or an acacia tree? The world needs the blossoms and beautiful fruit from every type of tree so let’s focus on embodying our own gifts and attributes so that we ‘speak of God’ in our own way. And as each of us blossoms individually this spreads out and the glory of God becomes more resplendent.
As you work to blossom in your own unique way, there are a few formulas from my Signature Range which will support and encourage you: ‘Realising my true self and life purpose’, ‘Embodying self-belief, esteem and confidence’, ‘Letting go of limiting beliefs’, ‘ Standing up for myself – Healthy boundaries’ and ‘Look, feel and be beautiful – My authentic personal style’.
Have a look at my full range of specially designed formulas: http://inspired.livingonpurpose.co.za/
Order from The Remedy Shoppe – http://theremedyshoppe.co.za/[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/3″][vc_single_image image=”27316″ alignment=”center” style=”vc_box_shadow_3d” border_color=”grey” img_link_target=”_self” img_size=”medium”][/vc_column][/vc_row]
These 3 powerful attributes are a magical combination as a focus for effective and meaningful communication.
It does take Courage to address issues which may be sensitive, but it’s worth making the effort. We all have our blind spots and areas where we ‘don’t know what we don’t know’ so it’s a blessing to have someone else to show us what we can’t see for ourselves. For myself, I’d rather be embarrassed or remorseful at the time when my shortcomings or blind spots are drawn to my attention than not to have the opportunity to do something about them.
After Courage the next requirements are Courtesy and Wisdom. Courtesy is an exquisite attribute which is more than just social politeness. As well as being polite, Courtesy requires that we’re also respectful, kind and considerate in what we say and how we say it.
And Wisdom takes this further by combining both Courage and Courtesy so that we’re better able to say whatever needs to be said in a way that will not hurt the heart of another or alienate and offend them, but will rather allow them more easily to hear and accept what may be uncomfortable to face.
It’s always my hope that others will apply these 3 principles when helping me to understand something about myself, just as I try my best to do the same for them.
[vc_row][vc_column width=”2/3″][vc_column_text]Have you noticed how prevalent this seemingly simple phrase: ‘Must-Have’ has become? It’s being used more and more in relation to everything from clothes and fashion items to all sorts of technology, accessories and gadgets – and it’s helpful to be conscious of the effect this phrase can have on you.
With the ever-present Fear of Missing Out (FOMO – on news or things) or of supposedly being left behind in the race to get all the latest stuff, this phrase serves to accelerate the ‘desire to acquire’ even more. When something is labelled ‘Must-Have for Summer’, ‘Must-Have for the ‘Cool Guy’, ‘Must-Have for the New Mom’ – or whoever else is being targeted – there is often an almost a knee-jerk response to have it. The effect of this phrase is powerful and, even though I’m consciously aware of what the marketers are doing with it, I can still feel its seductive pull!
Particularly in relation to clothes and fashion, ‘Must-Have’ needs to be resisted because each of us has unique and different bodies, lifestyles and personalities so no fashion item will ever suit everyone. Part of the reason that so many of us have wardrobes full of clothes and ‘nothing to wear’ is because we’ve fallen prey to the idea of ‘Must-Have’ fashion items which don’t suit us.
Before you go on autopilot and buy something you’ve been told you ‘Must-Have’, take a moment to assess if this is really true. Be aware that it’s a very clever marketing ploy and don’t let it seduce you into acquiring things you don’t need.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/3″][vc_single_image image=”27313″ css_animation=”fadeIn” alignment=”center” style=”vc_box_shadow” border_color=”grey” img_link_target=”_self” img_size=”225×225″][vc_single_image image=”27311″ css_animation=”fadeIn” alignment=”center” style=”vc_box_shadow” border_color=”grey” img_link_target=”_self” img_size=”225×229″][vc_single_image image=”27308″ css_animation=”fadeIn” alignment=”center” style=”vc_box_shadow” border_color=”grey” img_link_target=”_self” img_size=”225×180″][vc_single_image image=”27309″ css_animation=”fadeIn” alignment=”center” style=”vc_box_shadow” border_color=”grey” img_link_target=”_self” img_size=”225×200″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Listen to the podcast interview with e-Biz Radio to find out how you can dress to attract the right people and the right opportunities….
[vc_row][vc_column width=”1/1″][vc_column_text]Your clothes are one of the most powerful ways you have of building your self-esteem and self-awareness and expressing who you are. You can feel more confident, professional, dynamic, creative, romantic or approachable – or anything else you like – by the colours, accessories and styles you choose to wear.
To use your clothes consciously in this way, take a little time before you get dressed to do three ‘Check-Ins’ as these will set the tone of your day.
Check in with yourself
When you first wake up, take a moment or two to focus on how you’re feeling. Do you feel excited or anxious, vulnerable or happy, unsettled or peaceful? Awareness of your inner state will allow you to choose clothes which will give you support, encouragement and confidence.
Check in with the day ahead
Next, think about what your day holds and what it will require of you. Depending on whether you have important meetings or an easy fun day you can dress to manage and enjoy every situation. The combination of how you’re feeling and what your day requires of you will help you choose the clothes you need to look and feel your best.
Check in with your True Self Style Words©
Your True Self Style Words© (see Reclaiming Beauty – Look like your True Self, Dressing for Self-Expression p. 45-46) encapsulate your individual essence and assist you to dress authentically, naturally and comfortably. Remind yourself of them and then combine how you’re feeling with what you’ll be doing during the day – and then dress so that you look and feel your best.
In this way your clothes become a means to an end and not just an end in themselves. They become purposeful in that they allow you to get on with the business of living your life and making your unique contribution.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
Catherine, a client of mine, is the capable mother of three young boys. She’s tall, slim and beautiful with pale skin, pale hair and pale light blue eyes and, when I first met her, she wore mostly navy blue and other dark colours. These colours reflected up onto her face, making her look tired and drained so people were always asking her if she was stressed or overwhelmed by her children!
After we worked together, she started wearing clear bright pastels such as aqua green, sky blue, strawberry pink, mango orange and lilac which brought so much colour and life to her face to life that others assumed she’d just had a holiday or was newly in love!
It can take confidence to wear colour, but wearing colour gives you confidence and this influences how you feel about yourself. Bolder, brighter colours can make you feel ‘bolder’ and ‘brighter’ while softer, gentler colours can make you feel more ‘soft’ and ‘gentle’. Other people respond to colour on a subtle, instinctive level, so when you’re wearing colours that express who you are and how you’re feeling, others are attracted to your true essence.
The concept of a ‘colour chart’ is quite a limited one in that the incredible range of human skin, hair and eye colours in their unique combinations make any separation into ‘colour categories’ an incomplete exercise. Traditional colour charts are based on skin tone but don’t take into consideration your hair or eye colour – or even the sort of person you are. For example, a pale skin combined with dark eyes and dark hair can wear brighter, deeper colours than someone like Catherine who has pale skin, pale hair and light eyes.
Colour charts can be helpful, though, as an inspiration, a suggestion and as a starting-point from which you develop your own individual palette of colours. There is no set formula which can be applied to the wide range of human beings, so you’ll always have to play around and experiment a little bit to find your own colours. Try not to be too controlled in following any prescriptive colour chart, but rather use it as a helpful guideline. I provide Colour Palettes in my book (Reclaiming Beauty – Look Like Your True Self – pages 129 – 132) because they act as inspiration and encouragement to try some new colours and to help get you started as you move beyond the safety of black, black and more black!
The ‘right’ colours for you
The ‘right’ colours for you are those that reflect your inner self, and which make you look and feel great. The easiest way to find the colours which suit you best is to hold the garment under your chin in a good, natural light and then to evaluate objectively what its colour does to your skin tone, eyes and hair. Look and see which colours make you look happier and healthier and take note which colours bring spontaneous compliments from others. It’s good for you to develop your own instincts and become an expert on yourself.
Colour is a product of light in all its reflections and manifestations. Every colour has its own vibration and ‘feeling’ and can therefore influence your moods. You can tune into this and use colours to lift your spirits, give you courage or calm you down. On a day where you may be feeling a little fragile or quiet and wanting to ‘stay under the radar’, neutral or pastel colours will help you remain in the background. But if you have an important meeting and want to assert your authority, bolder colours will give you the head start that you need (hence the predominance of black in the corporate world!).
Take a moment before you get dressed in the morning to assess how you’re feeling, your requirements of the day and your True Self Style Words (Women’s Choice, March) then choose colours that will resonate to these. Let the colours you wear support you rather than overshadow you.
Experiment and have fun while you learn, for yourself, which colours make you look and feel most alive and authentic and which will allow your unique beauty to shine.
Reflect on the following questions:
- Do I avoid wearing certain colours? And if so, why?
- What would I need to change in order to wear more colours?