About six weeks ago, my sister and I drove down to the coast for the 100th birthday of our beloved aunt – and when we arrived there I suddenly realised that I had no vision in my right eye. It was terrifying as it seemed as if a grey curtain had descended over my eye and I could see nothing but some flashing lights at the side of my eye.
Panic, shock and fear
The local ophthalmologist told me that this was the worst case scenario for an eye in that the retina had detached and that emergency surgery was required. The problem, however, was that I was at sea level and an eye needs a stable altitude after surgery, so he recommended that I return home to my regular altitude at once so that my own doctor could operate.
It’s amazing what can be done
I won’t go into the details of the two surgical procedures, mainly because I chose not to hear what was going to be done! It was bad enough that I needed invasive surgery on my eye but to have to imagine what they were doing felt like too much for me.
Suffice to say that the surgeon has now done his best, both operations are over and I now have a few months to wait before I will know the prognosis for my sight.
Lots of layers to this
There is so much symbolism associated with an eye and our sight and I keep noticing that I’m talking about ‘seeing things differently’, how I ‘have a new vision’ about things and what ‘an eye-opening experience’ this has been for me.
It’s not always how it seems
These words have particular meaning for me at the moment:
“My calamity is My providence, outwardly it is fire and vengeance, but inwardly it is light and mercy.”
While I was, at first, shocked, frightened and sad about what had happened to my eye and my sight, I’m coming to understand that what seemed like a calamity is proving itself to be a blessing and a gift on many levels.
Gratitude, hope and joy
Some of the blessings are that people from around the world have been praying for me and sending tender messages of love and support; for the first few days when I had to lie still with my head in one position, my sister moved in with me and lovingly took care of me; friends came by with food and encouragement; and my relationships with neighbours that I hardly knew before have deepened and strengthened.
I have felt my heart almost literally swelling with love and gratitude for the outpouring of kindness, friendship and support I’ve received. This experience has truly helped me to understand that what can seem, at first, to be “fire and vengeance” is, in truth, “light and mercy.”
I’m already seeing differently
It’s not always easy having blurred and distorted vision but the new awareness, inner understanding and spiritual insights that are unfolding at the same time are priceless and giving me opportunities to grow and develop that I never would have had if this hadn’t happened.
I’m praying for healing with hope and confidence and already I feel richer, more expansive and open to whatever interesting things will unfold next!
I believe that this new way of seeing things is the start of something very interesting!
A new calendar year always feels ripe with potential and possibility! It seems to hold hope and the opportunity to make changes and to set a more positive new course.